Tears From The Moon
by Mrs.Scarlettbutler
Summary: Scully's POV- MSR. Begins pre X-Files, Scully is forced to move to Washington DC because of Daniel, guess who she meets and fall in love with. Everything goes wrong and falls apart. Will Scully take another chance with the man she never stopped loving?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: They're still not mine but belong to the happy owner Chris Carter.

This story starts pre X-Files and moves into the Pilot and a bit further. I thought it would be fun to explore a universe where Scully and Mulder met before the Pilot, fell in love, broke up and reunited in the FBI. I wrote it a while ago but since it was rated MA I couldn't post it here – but now, I've decided to take the dirty parts out and M- rate the story. The story is written in Scully's POV and deals with her relationship with Daniel before she meets Mulder.

Feel free to flame me if you don't like it.

Tears From The Moon

Chapter one

Part One

Washington DC

July, 3rd 1989

With a deep sigh she stepped out onto the sidewalk, the fat raindrops landing immediately on her bowed face matched her inner storms. Of course it was raining! How could it be any different? Recently, she was running out of luck, it seems.

Her life had taken an unexpected direction within the last year, never had she planned falling in love with her professor, Daniel Waterston, for God sake he was her professor and married! She wasn't in to married men – her moral too high for that. Easily, she recognised the hurt and sense of betrayal a cheating boyfriend would bring her, it wasn't something she would ever want to cause another person.

She hadn't been attracted to Daniel, first. It had been strictly professional, he was her professor and she needed his help. Willingly, maybe too willingly, Daniel had given it to her, offering to be her councillor during the remaining semesters of medical school, three to be exact. Gladly, she had accepted, he was the best professor in physics, which had become her field of passion.

"Damn!" she cursed under her breath; she would've won the award, if there was one to be won in the category naïve and stupid. It had been so easy talking to Daniel, much easier than men at her age or even her father, to whom Daniel was closer in age to than men at her age. They had shared amid talks about physics , she had hung on to every word he said, sure he was some sort of God in this field and when they had moved to other topics she'd as easily swallowed every word, reading every book he recommended and watched every movie he liked. Most of the books had been okay but the movies were another story.

Within the first semester as her councillor they started spending time together every day, the amount of time had increased from month to month, the pace so slow, that she hadn't seen what hit her before it was too late, and she found herself blushing and giggling around him. She had fallen in love with her professor, such a trivial story, really. She wasn't the first one and wouldn't be the last one to do such a foolish thing, but it didn't help her. She was not a silly young girl, she was too damn close to her 25th birthday than she liked to be.

In a sweet hushed voice Daniel had admitted his growing love for her one early summer day; her heart had picked up a quicker pace of beating from ecstasy and happiness, his eyes glowing with the same excitement for a few short moments, before he had confessed a dark secret. He was married with a daughter a few years younger than her!

Daniel had assured her it mattered little; he wanted to spend his life with her, Dana, and not his wife. Frozen from shock, she stared into his eyes without seeing; she truly had been caught with her fingers in the cookie jar. Heat had bolted into her body when she felt his hot lips on hers; the heat wasn't coming from passion but from anger. Hot anger.

Angry from her own blindness and stupidity, she had pushed him away, violently. With eyes hard as stones and voice cold as ice, she had told him, she would ask for another councillor and their friendship ended right there. She hadn't given him any chance to reply, bolting up from the chair and running out of the door before he could see her tears.

The only good thing in her misery was that this had happened on a Friday, for two days she had locked herself in her dorm and cried her eyes out, but late Sunday night she had reclaimed her dignity and sanity and ordered herself a pizza. All her dreams of marital bliss may have been shattered on that dreadful Friday but she still had her dream of practicing medicine in some way, it would've to hold her.

She wasn't angry at Daniel but at herself for being so blind, not once had he invited her out to dinner or the movies, and he had avoided answering personal questions, always turning the focus to her or topics of physics. Naively, she had believed he was shy and aware of their age difference but all he had been was a coward.

She had applied for another councillor during her summer break, it had been declined, if she wanted a major in physics, she would've to settle with Doctor Waterston, it was too late to change her major and honestly she didn't want to.

Debating her dilemma, she came to the conclusion that she could manage to get through two more semesters with Daniel as her councillor, she would study hard on her own and only seek his help when absolutely necessary. She couldn't turn of her feelings for him just by thought, but she was strong enough not to act upon them, she would do fine. Just fine.

A letter distracted her thoughts from Daniel, it was the FBI inviting her to an interview, she had agreed and one sunny day she had found herself in a FBI field office. To her surprise, she had discovered that her medical skills were already highly valued by the Fed, and they offered her a career in physics at Quantico in Washington, directly after medical school. She had asked for a week to think about it. Not that there really was anything to think about.

Truth was she had no desire to practice medicine as a doctor any more, it had been her dream when she started medical school but now she wanted something else from life, exactly what she wanted was yet to be discovered. This was a chance to change her direction in life and make a true difference. She was given the chance to help catching the bad guys in her field of passion.

Her moral and ethic had always been clear and high, since she was a small girl she had wanted to help the less fortunate and bring the truth into the light, now she was given a fair chance to do that in her every day life. A week later, she signed the papers, if she graduated with her normal high grades, she was guarantied a job right after medical school.

Her second last semester had been a ride on the emotional roller coaster, she had mastered to push Daniel out of her thoughts weeks before she returned to lessons, or at least that was what she thought. Everything had been fine until Daniel had asked her to stay after the first lesson, his hand had cupped her chin, caressing her softly he had admitted how much he'd missed her. How much he wanted her and wanted to shared his life with her, it had been the worst summer in his life. He needed her.

In a blink of an eye all her feelings had returned and her eyes becoming soft with emotions had been a sharp contrast to her iron steel tone of voice, when she had repeated her earlier words. She wanted him to forget her; they had no future together, he was married and marriage was sacred to her. She wouldn't be a marriage breaker and expected him to honour his vows, if he ended his marriage she refused to be the excuse. They were done before they ever had started.

Daniel had not handled things well; refusing to believe her and refusing to respect her decision, his quest had turned from sweet talking into begging, he couldn't understand he couldn't have her. In the middle of the semester, she had understood she needed to be the adult and had asked for a transfer to the medical school in Washington DC. It had been admitted and she left right after the end of the semester. She left without saying goodbye to Daniel, knowing that if he wanted he could easily get word of her whereabouts.

Today was her fourth day in Washington DC, she had just finished an evaluation at the FBI after an exhausting phone call from her dad, who refused to understand or support his youngest daughter relocation to the capital. It had come to the point, where Dana couldn't remember a time when a phone call from her parents hadn't ended badly. They strongly felt she was throwing her life away and didn't hesitated in telling her, especially her father verbalized how sure he was that the FBI would ruin her life, corrupt it into pieces. She loved her dad and it broke her heart to be at bad terms with him but she wasn't walking into something she didn't want or hadn't high hopes for. Surely, she had planned to move to Washington DC after having finished medical school but Daniel had made it impossible to wait. Still, she remembered his last words ever uttered to her, bitter and hard they had hit a nerve in her, she might be in love with this man but not his harsh words:

"Dana, you are throwing away a promising career in medicine to work with the FBI – you must be joking?" When she had just stared at him, he had continued. "You'll find nothing there to make you happy or fulfilled; all you'll find is a few wasted years and a struggle to get back to medicine. You're running away from me – from us. Don't do this, I'll work this out."

Tiredly, her fuming eyes had burned into his; "Daniel, there is no us – never will be! You're married and I won't be the one to create hell in your family's lives. I want to join the FBI next year."

"You're too young to know how much you'll regret this FBI foolishness, Dana" He wasn't listening to a single word she said.

"I'm not a child, Daniel." She had turned on her heels and walked out of him, knowing she would do anything in her power not to see him again before she left. Not once had she looked back.

It didn't mean his words didn't hurt, or leaving him hadn't hurt. I did! It had! Somehow, the ache in her heart always became heavier when she had crossed words with her dad. Too lost in her own world she didn't see where she was walking, but felt the pain in her head when she walked right into something. Or someone, to be correct.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Chris Carter hasn't handed them over to me yet, so you know the drill; they're not mine.

Tears From The Moon

Chapter two

"Hey, I've taken my invisible suit off did you forget your glasses?" His voice full of amusement vibrated from his chest.

Embarrassed, she realised her head was still resting against his hard chest, none of them had broken the sudden contact from their unexpected collision. Lifting her head, she stared into the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. The mischief in his eyes swiftly changed into confusion and then into wonder, none of them was able to tear their eyes apart.

Smiling foolishly, her own eyes turned soft and inviting under his intense stare, her knees became weak and the cat was steeling her tongue. Quickly, her eyes dashed to his lips, wondering how it would feel to kiss his full ones. God, they were tempting, his lips. Fast her eyes were drawn to his eyes again. Not that the relocation of her eyes helped her any, she was helpless against the overwhelming power he held over her, it wasn't a frightening power. Well maybe it was; she hadn't felt such a powerful connection to anyone before, it was scary!

Her lips moved in silent words, how embarrassing, she was unable to form a meaningful sentence. "Uh… I" Pausing, she readjusted her voice, "Um, I'm sorry. Guess I was unfocused." She smiled apologising and her heart skipped a beat, when she watched his eyes widen in amazement while listening to her voice.

"Don't be. Sorry I mean. It's not every day, I'm lucky enough to be run down by the most beautiful woman in the world." Flustered, he realised he had uttered the words aloud.

Dana cupped his chin with her palm, the words may sound artificial but the truth behind them obviously, "thank you" She whispered, suddenly feeling light headed and very, very beautiful.

His hand came up to cover hers, "Don't thank me, speaking the truth never requires a thank you." She shivered under his touch, the feeling of familiarity and rightness awed her. If she didn't know better, she would think she knew this man and knew him well.

"Please, let me buy you a cup of coffee?" The begging in his eyes told her, he felt the same way and that he wasn't more willing to let her go than she was him.

Licking her lips nervously, she nodded her head she was powerless to respond differently, fast, it was becoming impossible to deny him anything. It should scare her but it didn't, she felt oddly safe.

Linking their hands, he looked down on her, "By the way, I'm Fox Mulder."

"Dana Scully." She offered. "Fox, glad to meet you" The shadow that clouded his face confused her.

"Mulder please, never liked my given name. Come, I know this little coffee shop just around the corner." Never letting go of her hand, he shortened his steps to match her smaller ones. They easily fell into a walking pattern suiting them both perfectly. Both content with the comfortable silence between them, they shared no more words until they reached the coffee shop.

"Sparks from the Moon" Dana read the name out loud, "it must be own by a woman!"

Turning his head towards her Mulder winked, "No, it's own by a man, Hank. He named it after his wife, or rather how he saw her. She was the sparks in his life like he was in hers. Unfortunately, she died last year, cancer."

"Hank. Sparks from the Moon." She tasted the words, obviously so ill suited together but there had to be more about the man than his name, she thought. What an odd day!

Mulder leaded her to a small table in a corner of the shop, kissing her palm before he let go of her hand. "What would you like to drink, Dana?"

Again she felt herself drowning in his eyes, "coffee with lots of milk, please."

"My kind of girl" he laughed, "never liked those tea drinking girls much.

Raising her eye brow slightly, she gave him a blank stare, "Hate to disappoint you Mulder, I'm as much a tea girl as a coffee girl!"

"Not disappointed at all, it will just make things more interesting, I see you won't be easily categorised."

"Oh, I see what kind of women you're usually involved with"

Laughing, he turned away from her, over his shoulder he bantered back, "well, those days are gone, I take it?"

"If you're smart they are." She wasn't joking anymore.

"Believe me, I am." He was joking either.

Soon, he returned with two coffees, hers loaded with milk and his black as the dark night. Eyes and hands locked again, she felt an overwhelming need to be as close as possible to this man she had just met, breaking the contact for the few minutes it had taken him to get their coffee had felt like a deep pain in her soul. It confused her but she dared not questioning it.

The coffee was strong and good, his hold on her hand equally strong and intense. She had strongly believed, she was done with men for a long period of time, Daniel had ruined her respect for men in general, or that had been the case, until half an hour ago, now she wanted nothing more than to know this man in every possible way.

"Mulder, would you like to eat dinner with me, we can have take outs, I haven't settled into my dorm yet so cooking is out of the question, but I think we can manage with take outs?"

"I would love to, Dana. But let's go to my place, I've an apartment in Arlington, nothing much but better than a dorm."

Agreeing, she followed him out of the coffee shop, Hank greeted Mulder as an old friend.

"I come here a lot; I work in the Hoover building you came out from when we met." Mulder explained.

"Oh, you're an FBI agent!"

"Yeah, I'm applying behavioural models for criminal cases, working in violent criminal crimes" He shrugged his shoulders, "nothing much about it but I've seen my share of evil."

They agreed on pizza and beers, a shared favourite. Dana chose a sea food filled and Mulder a beef filled pizza and both agreed on Budweiser. Smiling down on her, Mulder carried the goods in one hand and held her hand firmly in his other hand.

Mulder's apartment was clearly a place he spent little time in, the living room was dominated by a large fish tank and two ugly armchairs around a coffee table. She didn't need to ask to know Mulder was single; one look around his apartment convinced her. She stole a look into his bedroom and was further confirmed of his status, seeing his old and narrow bed.

"Dana, what were you doing in the Hoover building this afternoon?"

She flipped the pizza container open and took a large slice into her right hand, it smelled delicious, "I was in for my second interview regarding my application. They want to recruit me to join the FBI Academy in January."

Impressed, he took a bite of his pizza, "not only beautiful…what is your field?"

"Medicine. Physics. My last semester at medical school starts next week."

"You don't wanna work as a doctor, playing it the safe way?" She looked like a woman who wanted stability in her life, the safety net of a normal life.

"Once I did, I was so sure it was my call in life, believing I could save a lot of lives. Saving lives was my reason to go to medical school." Leaning back in the chair, she finished her last slice of pizza; she had been hungry and comfortable enough with Mulder to eat the whole pizza.

Impressed with her appetite, he smiled, "what changed your mind?" His appetite for her was growing by the minute, not just physically but emotionally, he wanted to know everything about her.

Avoiding his stare for a few seconds, she resumed her smile. "Obviously I'm talented in this area, it comes natural to me and I've come to understand that there are more ways to save lives than just to practise medicine. That's why I want to join the FBI. I think I can make a difference by joining the FBI" She lacked the ability to understand why her father resented her choice so much.

Lifting a hand, he waved her over, "Come here, Dana. Somebody's giving you a hard time with this?" He felt her pain by just looking into her eyes; they seemed to share a nonverbal bond of communication.

Getting up, she walked the short distance to Mulder and slid down on his lap, resting her head against his chest. "Yeah, my dad doesn't understand, he wants me to pursue another medical career, I know he wants the best for me but this is what is best for me."

"Sure it is, we'll both be chasing the criminals. Who knows, we might even end up working together one day, Dana." He jested to lighten her mood again.

"I would like that, Mulder" she lifted her head to look into his eyes. "Very much" Time stood still and the world only started to move again when she felt his lips moving against her slightly parted lips, she bid him welcome by parting her lips further. Carving to taste him, needing to be closer to him, she gave him full access to her mouth. God, he felt good. Never had she been kissed this good or this deeply. She had only shared a few shy kisses with Daniel, she was by no means a virgin but her upbringing had ensured she was rather inexperienced in this area.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I have no claim on these people…someone else has…

Thanks for reviewing, I like it…

Someone asked if our two heroes were falling in love at first sight – they only are because it's pre X-Files and because it matters to the story. I don't really know how they were before they met in the X-File so it's a fair game…

Please let me know if the story is working or too rushed and odd.

Tears From The Moon

Chapter three

Feeling his hot breath and hearing him sigh from pleasure was far more erotic than a fumbling hand on her breast, repositioning she leaned deeper into his body, enjoying the feeling of his hardness against her softness. A primitive joy rushed through her, she had this power over him; his body was reacting to her touches. Proudly, she explored his mouth with her tongue. Instantly, he gasped for air. A wave of heat rushed through her body, and the blood was drained from her head making her feel like falling into thin air.

"God Dana, you feel so good."

Feeling warm and safe, she whispered shyly; "take me to bed, Mulder"

Pulling back a little he locked eyes with her, "are you sure, Dana? I want you to be comfortable; there is no need to rush things. I admit I want you like I never wanted anybody in my life, but I want more than a one night stand."

It was plain and simple to him, Dana was a woman in another league than the women he normally dated, she wasn't a one night stand type and he could tell she hadn't had many lovers. But she attracted him like no one ever had.

Shyly staring back at him, Dana knew she was ready and it felt right. "I'm sure, please take me to bed, Mulder." She was shocked by her own boldness but she felt so close to Mulder and trusted him not to take advances of her or play games with her.

Instantly, he stood up and taking her with him he carried her to the bedroom. Placing her gently on the floor beside his small bed, he cupped her face between his hands and whispered softly, before he claimed her lips: "I'm falling in love Dana, please let me show you how much."

Responding to his lips, she was unable to give a verbal respond, instead she slid her hands inside his shirt and caressed his bare skin, letting her body doing the speaking. She felt him shiver against her warm hands and his hands left her face to undress her. Now, she was the shivering one.

Stepping back he watched her undressed body, only clad in her bra and panties she felt vulnerable and exposed, suddenly afraid she wouldn't measure up, her arms came up to cover her breasts, but gently he unfolded them again.

"Please, don't cover up. You're so beautiful. You're taking my breath away; I just wanted to look at you."

In relief, she closed her eyes and nervously licked the corner of her mouth but hearing him whispering her name, she reopen her eyes and met his gentle eyes sparkling with fondness. How could she question her own value when she was with his man?

Slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt, taking in his naked body she blushed, god he was stunning, lean and well- shaped all the right places. Pleased she met his eyes.

Unable to stand the lack of contact between them he gently covered her lips with his own.

Their first time together was gentle and sweet and all Dana's insecurities of being played disappeared with Mulder's soft words.

"God Dana, you're amazing. I never knew making love could be this good. Was it ok?"

"The best." She assured him, pleased that he didn't take her pleasure for granted.

"Please, promise you will stay the night, don't leave without awaking me, ok? I want more from you than just this night, ok?"

She loved how he sounded a bit insecure, "I promise, Mulder. I'm also falling in love with you, you know?"

"Good" He sounded pleased with himself, smiling she allowed her eyes to close and sleep to overtake her.

Much later, she awoke to a wet mouth spreading kisses along her neck and a hand gently running through her hair, moulding into his body she returned his kisses.

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he whispered into her ear, "Stay, we can watch movies and sleep in, please."

She agreed right away.

They stayed in bed all that Saturday, watching movies and relaxing. When day turned into night he asked her to move in with him, it would be stupid to pay rents for two apartments when he wanted to spend all his time with her. Ignoring the voice of sanity that wanted her to take it slowly, wanted her to know the man before moving in with him, she chose to follow her heart. Her heart knew this man, knew Mulder was the one for her and that he would never hurt her.

Giggling, she said yes on the condition that her larger bed and couch moved in with her, his chairs were impossible to make out in. She could do whatever she wanted with the apartment he told her; it would be as much hers as his.

Sunday they went to her place to arrange for the moving of her things, it would be easy, feeling too sorry for herself she hadn't unpacked much yet, just the few things she needed most. Tuesday all her things were arriving at Mulder's apartment and his old arm chairs and bed was given to a second hand shop. Happy, she unpacked while he was at work. Her feminine touch changed his cold, empty apartment into their cosy, warm nest. She loved it and so did Mulder.

It was a good life, she couldn't remember another time laughing this much or being so content and happy. Their lovemaking became better and better, her shyness disappeared and revealed a very passionate woman, who knew what she liked. He felt happy and loved for the first time since he was a young child. He loved sharing his life with her.

They were both busy, she with her last semester and he with his work but they always found time for each other. Dana stopped calling her parents, her new situation would be unacceptable for her dad, not only would she join the FBI but she also lived in sin with a man. Dana wasn't willing to give Mulder up, not even for her parents. Mulder rarely were in contact with his parents, they were divorced and his relationship with them stained, he saw no reason to tell them about his relationship.

Two months after they met outside the Hoover building Mulder proposed marriage to Dana, thrilled, she jumped into his arms and kissed him deeply, of course she would marry him.

A week later, a Catholic priest married them, it was important for Dana that her marriage was acknowledge by the Church, she would only marry once in her life and wanted it to be rightly done from the start. Mulder had no religious stands; all he wanted was to make Dana happy. Their wedding day was a lovely spring day full of promise of a bright and happy future.

They were happy. They shared a special bond, a bond that seemed to reach beyond this world. They had developed a nonverbal form of communication, a look was simply enough to understand each other. Most often it was used when they were around other people; it enabled them to share their thoughts of other people and situations without actually hurting anyone.

School was getting crazy, demanding nearly all of her time, the little time spared she spent with Mulder. In her stress she forgot to call her parents and inform them of her marital status, once in a while the thought crossed her mind, they deserved to know but knowing how disappointed they would be, when discovering she had married without them, pushed her to delay the confrontation. Since she had met Mulder she had avoided her family except from Missy, her older sister. Missy never judge her, living as a free bird herself, she had no wish to impose judgment on other people. Missy was excited to meet her brother- in –law but it would've to wait until Missy returned to the States from England.

One month after their wedding the bliss started to crack, the change came gradually, first Dana almost missed the faint signs but soon she was forced to deal with them. Mulder stayed longer hours at his work, nothing strange about that, he had a demanding job. But when he grew distant on her she began to worry, he touched her less, avoided her eyes and finally her touches. Their bed suddenly became too large and cold, he slept with his back to her and pretended to sleep the moment his head touched the pillow. She was hurt, badly.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Much changes but not that I don't own the X-Files or Scully and Mulder.

Tears From The Moon

Chapter four

When Dana confronted Mulder he blamed it on stress, he had some hard cases and he was beginning to spend a lot of time on some odd FBI cases that had caught his attention, he didn't know where or what his new discovery would bring him, but he wasn't ready to work less at the moment. She wouldn't understand, he said. Begging him to confine in her, she promised to at least try to understand and to allow him the space to look further into the cases outside the mainstream FBI. If just he would let her into his world, let her share his life with him. Mulder said it was impossible at this moment; he didn't understand the cases himself yet, just knew they would give him some of the answers he always had sought. Possible, they cases were not scientific in anyway, but more of a paranormal form he expected. He wouldn't expect her to understand.

But Dana wanted to understand and for a few weeks it got better. Mulder started to notice her again and carved her touches. She was almost happy again but she still sensed a change in him, a mystery part of him that he kept hidden for her, and it broke her heart. She loved Mulder and he was fading away right in front of her eyes. She couldn't reach him like before, she was certain he was faithful to her, assured he still loved her. He could never change that much, she hoped and prayed.

Two months after their wedding her hopes were shattered. She found him sitting on the couch staring into the thin air, his face emotionless and his eyes dark and empty. Scared, Dana kneeled in front of him, while tears ran down her face.

"Mulder?" When he didn't react, she tugged at his arm and yelled his name. Finally, he looked at her. "What's wrong, Mulder. Please talk to me."

"Dana, they took her!"

"Took who?" she whispered desperately, he was at a breaking point and she was powerless to pull him back to her.

"Dana, you'll do so much better without me in your life, you deserve a better man." His eyes became alive for a few moments.

"But I don't want another man – I want you Mulder, only you." Now she was crying hard, afraid of the possibility of loosing him to this unknown enemy. Her heart was bleeding with pain and fear.

The dullness returned to his eyes, "I need to go away for a while, Dana. You don't need to wait for me." With that he got up from the couch and walked to the door.

"I want to wait for you Mulder. I love you!" Getting no answer from him, her heart broke into thousand pieces, "is it another woman, Mulder?"

Finally getting his attention, he turned and locked eyes with her, "God no, Dana! My heart is with you, at least the little piece of it that wasn't taken when they took her. She was only a small child, Dana." Giving her a small joyless smile he left her.

She didn't see him again before another month had passed and she was close to her final examines, the stress of dealing with school and Mulder's disappearing had taken its toll on her. She had lost weight and seemed to be only a shadow of herself; she never smiled or laughed anymore. All her energy was invested into her studies and crying in the lonely nights. Sleep was a luxury, most often out of her reach and getting a few hours rest each day was all she could hope for. The new sleeping pattern became a trusted friend of hers in the years to come; sleeping a full night became a fainted memory of another time.

One day returning home from medical school, she was welcomed home by a similar scene to the one that had welcomed her home the day he left her, Mulder sat on the couch staring into the air. He looked exhausted and worn out, just like she did.

He jumped, when she softly touched his shoulder with her hand. "Have you come home, Mulder?" Fear almost stole her words but she needed to know.

"Dana!" For a brief moment, his eyes brightened up before he hid his soul from her, "no" he said, avoiding her eyes. "I need time for myself. I've nothing to give you or anyone right now. I've found something the FBI calls the X-Files, I don't know what they are or if I ever will know, but I need to try. I'm certain they're linked to my destiny and my past." He didn't ask her to understand, didn't say he was sorry but his eyes clearly expressed feelings of guilt and sorrow, but they also showed her how empty he had become. He had no feelings left in him, only a big consuming dark emptiness.

"You don't want my help or love anymore, Mulder?" She already knew the answer.

She watched how he closed his eyes and steeled himself, no matter what he said he still loved her, he couldn't hide that from her. But something had broken him and stolen him from her; it seemed to be those damn X-Files."

"Nobody can help me, Dana. This is for the best. I'll move out."

"No!" Her own volume startled her, calming her voice she continued, "this was your apartment before it was ours, I'll leave. Give me a few days to find an apartment. I only want the bed. You can keep the rest." She couldn't bear the though of another woman in their bed, it would never happen.

Too shocked to feel her body or the pain in her heart, her brain worked on auto pilot. "Mulder, did you ever inform the FBI of our marriage?"

Shaking his head, he stared at his shoes, "Um, I forgot, sorry."

"Good!" She turned around and left the apartment. When she returned the next day he was gone. Two days later, she moved into an apartment in Georgetown, Mulder had insisted on paying for it, it was the least he could do, he had stated. She hadn't wanted his money, all she ever wanted was him but he gave her no choice, he bought the apartment in her name.

In January 1990 she joined the FBI Academy and she loved it right away, it felt good to know she had followed the right path in her working life. Her heart hadn't healed yet and she doubted it ever would. Her love for Mulder was as deep as ever but her anger had left her by now and only grief remained. The day, she started with the FBI she took off her wedding band, nobody there knew about her marriage and she would like to keep it that way. In her papers she marked 'unmarried' and 'single'. She had given up hope that Mulder would ever return to her, she wasn't even sure she wanted him back, his betrayal too severe to be forgotten, soon. She hadn't applied for a divorce and wouldn't, she had married for life and for better and worse. The decision of divorce was up to him, like their separation had been.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Some things never changes… The X-Files, Scully and Mulder belong to Christ Carter. So far no money for writing or giving up this story has come my way…

Thanks for reviewing – you make my day 

Tears From The Moon

Chapter five

Part two

Washington DC

The Hoover Building 1993.

While walking to Section Chief Blevins office Dana Scully wondered why she was called to this meeting, for the past two years, she had worked as an instructor at the FBI Academy, Quantico, a position she liked very much. She enjoyed teaching and felt like she made a difference. Her job was everything she had hoped it would be. She rarely sat foot in other sections of the FBI and couldn't really guess why she was here. Passing a middle aged agent, she welcomed his flirting and flirted back.

Inside the office her past caught up with her, for a moment, she could only stare blankly at Blevins, when he asked, if she was familiar with one agent Fox Mulder. The sharp pain in her heart surprised her, she had moved on with her life, and finally she was content with her personal life again.

"Yes, I am." A little bemused she answered his question, this was the FBI and they didn't know her connection to Mulder.

"How so?" Shit, getting worried she tried to win some time, "by reputation. Um…He's an Oxford- educated psychologist who wrote a monograph on serial killers and the occult…That helped to catch Monty Props in 1988" A year before they met, another pang hit her heart. "Generally, thought of as the best analyst in the violent crime section. He had a nickname at the Academy, Spooky Mulder"

Dana Scully threw the last part in to get control of her feelings again. The past had come too close in the last minutes for her liking.

The bomb fell when Blevins assigned her to work with Mulder, ordered her to debunk Mulder's work. Debunk her husband's work. Debunk the X-Files. She felt dizzy and confused for the rest of the meeting, only listening with one ear. Panic hit her, the minute Blevins ordered her to report immediately to agent Mulder. She wasn't ready for this and something didn't feel right, she sensed the men in the office had a secret agenda, an agenda she and Mulder were forced into.

Dana Scully took a long refugee in the lady's room, she examined her outfit closely, and

re-freshened her discreet make up, hating that she felt the need for those actions. She despised herself. Mulder had no power over her anymore, he had broken her heart and left her alone to mend it again, his right to her had vanished with his leaving. Well, almost vanished, his emotional rights had anyway.

Breathing in deeply she steeled herself for the confrontation. Taking the elevator down to the basement she had time to compose herself, it was a few years since she had seen him and she had matured since then, he had forced her to mature. He wouldn't hurt her again, she swore under her breath.

After a soft knock on the door, she walked into his office.

"Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted."

Casting a quick look around she was puzzled, a big poster with a spaceship and the words 'I Want To Believe' covered the wall together with more pictures of spaceships, this wasn't the Mulder she knew. He had his back to her but before she had the time to watch him further, he turned to her.

"Agent Mulder, I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you."

She had time to see the shocked expression on his face, before he covered it behind a boyish smile and clouded eyes. God he looked good, still lean and damn charming. Stretching her arm out she offered him her hand, he took the bait.

"Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. Who did you tick off to get stuck with this?"

A higher power she thought. Getting the double meaning in his words, she carefully formed her retort; "Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you." Not a complete lie.

He played along. "Oh, really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me."

Frowning, she briefly wonder, if he believed she was here to spy on his private life, the belittled wife, desperate to get her husband back. Angrily, she shot back: "If you have any doubt about my qualification or credentials…?"

"You're a medical doctor." Bingo Mulder, I was a few months from getting my final degree when you left me, no need for detective work here…

"You teach at the Academy." This piece of information could he only get by digging into some personal files.

"You did your undergraduate degree in Physics. Einstein's Twin Paradox: Dana Scully."

"Did you bother to read?" The copy in his hand was the one she had given him so long ago, the pain in her chest belied her decision of being uncaring.

"I did. I liked it" From the intense look in his eyes, she knew it was years ago he had read it the first time.

The rest of the short time she was in the basement office, she fought hard to keep her distance, a distance he seemed determined to cross. He invaded her personal space and mind… and memories.

It was a relief to see Ethan afterwards; he never endangered her emotions in anyway.

She was able to keep her distance to Mulder during their field trip to Oregon. Actually they had a fun time together, until the case caught up with her.

Dana Scully was scared, she had unidentified marks on her lower back, marks very similar to the marks on the victims bodies. Normally, she was hard to shake, but having no wish to die and certainly not in this God forsaken area of the world, panic stoke her, violently.

Throwing her bath robe on, she ran to Mulder's room, remembering to knock, she restlessly waited for him to open the door. He looked puzzled and shocked when he saw her standing here in only her robe.

"Hi"

"I want you to look at something" She said with a voice loaded with fear.

"Come on in" He responded neutrally.

Immediately, she removed her robe, when he didn't respond, she turned to look at him and flicked her eyes downwards, satisfied when he followed her direction. Restless, she waited for his judgement. Feeling his eyes burning into her skin, she started to regret her impulsive invasion of his privacy, her body grew hot under his intense stare and she shivered lightly from his fingers running over her skin.

This had been a mistake, how could she believe her body had forgotten how his touches and his eyes' caressing felt? Feeling betrayed by her own body she sighed, it should remember another pair of hands and another pair of eyes and not foremost remember Mulder. Trying to recover, she hissed.

"What are they?"

He stole another caress. "Mulder, what are they?"

Grinning he replied; "Mosquito bites."

Hurt by his grinning, she quickly asked. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I got eaten up alive myself out there." Before he could finish she throw herself into his arms, seeking the only real security she ever had known.

"You ok?" Concern was thickening his voice.

"Yes!" She said and pulled back, shocked by her own reaction.

"Take you time" Pausing, he added. "You are shaking" Mulder reached for her not willing to let go of her just yet.

Moving away before his hand could touch her again, she replied. "I need to sit down." Her legs gave away under her, but fortunately the chair caught her easily and without any drama.

"You're not okay, are you?" He said from the other chair.

"Just a little shaken, mosquito bites never crossed my mind. Some doctor I am." She smiled a joyless smile.

"Take a minute on the bed, Dana" he offered.

Turning ice cold eyes towards him, she corrected his mistake, "Scully!" Watching the message sink in on him, she followed his request and sank into the bed. Staring at the ceiling, she breathed in deeply a few times calming her nerves and emotions.

After a few minutes she felt the bed shake slightly, Mulder sat on the floor leaning hard against the bed. She turned onto her side to face him and listened when he started his long tale of his sister's abduction. His words were like the pieces of a puzzle coming together, every one uttered revealed another part of a picture. With the picture coming clear, she understood. Understood that Mulder had left her in a severe crisis, he had suffered from the trauma caused by a regression therapy of the day his sister disappeared, and not from a dying love for her. But a crisis he had been unable to handle on his own. She was grateful, he had found his way through the ordeal; another piece of her heart healed.

"Come to bed, Mulder" She whispered softly, when he abruptly turned towards her, she reached for him, "come to bed, Mulder." She repeated.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: So little does change, The X-Files, Scully and Mulder belong to Chris Carter.

Thanks for reviewing – I can't say how much it means :-)

Tears From The Moon

Chapter six

In a swift movement, he crawled into bed and positioned next to her, facing her. For a long time they just looked into the other's eyes, both feeling like they were coming home from a long, lonely journey. Just like another time in the past, she felt his lips moving softly against her lips and just like in the past, she parted her lips and gave him full access.

Another small piece of her heart healed.

Her body remembered and welcomed him home. It would always be a mystery how they ended naked within minutes. His feverish tongue teased her nipple possessively while his hand cupped her other breast. Past and present melted together with electricity bolting through her body as his mouth covered hers.

Her body shivered and hummed from pleasures, Mulder still had this power over her body that nobody else had.

Hovering over her, he hoarsely mumbled, "God, I've missed you, seems like you missed me as well."

Slipping her hand down his body she smiled, "I see!" Then the teasing was over and she guided him home to her, the sensations overwhelmed them both and for a brief moment time stood still. They found anchor in the other eyes and both cried their names out in relief.

Their connection was powerful and strong, and nothing in their love had changed, they still fitted perfect together in every way, but the desperation in their union was new. Both clung to each other like their lives depended on it and.

"Jesus, Scully, this is where I belong." Mulder groaned pulling her down on him for a hard, deep kiss. Together they touched the stars. History was repeating itself.

Another small part of Scully's heart healed.

When she was certain he was sleeping, Scully quietly left Mulder's bed and room. His scent still lingered on her humming body. Deciding against a bath she slipped into her own bed, she wanted to fall asleep with his scent on her, not that she expected any sleep this night, her sense of guilt too heavy. She had been unfaithful this night, for the first time in her life she had cheated on someone. The painful truth was; she didn't know who she had been cheating on, or if tonight was the first time, really. Had she been cheating on her husband or on her boyfriend?

Her body fully content for the first time in years lulled her into a healing sleep, she had though impossible.

A few days later they returned to Washington DC. Not many words had being spoken on the trip home or in Oregon; both seemed lost in their own worlds and avoided any close or intimate contact. But on the plane Scully had time to think, she had worked so hard not to look at what had happened but now it was unavoidable.

Scully's head was spinning with guilt and confusion, her standards and morals were normally well defined and crystal clear but who was she fooling? She was married and at the same time in a rather serious relationship with another man. She had let her religious and personal values slip through her hands in her hurt and discomfort, believing she had a right to some happiness but it wasn't really fair to Ethan, was it?

When the hope of Mulder returning to her, eventually, had become a dull ache in her heart and memory, she had moved on. Now, she had committed adultery, a deathly sin, and yet her body and mind felt more alive than ever. Ironic, wasn't it? Who had she wronged, Ethan or Mulder? If it was Ethan, it had been a one timer, something she would've to fix. If it was Mulder, she wasn't sure how to fix it. Still, she wouldn't be the one applying for divorce, her vows counted for something. Did they? She hadn't acted that way in the past year.

Twisting and sighing in her flight seat, she was grateful Mulder was occupying three seats in front of her instead of sitting next to her.

A call from Ethan had awoken her the morning after she and Mulder's had made love; still in the arms of Morpheus, she had alertly mumbled "Mulder?" into the phone. The sudden silence had scared her until Ethan spoke again.

"Dana? That spooky Mulder is working you awful hard, I would say if you expect a call from him at seven in the morning."

"Ethan! No, he's not! It just a difficult case, I was afraid something had happen." She lied through her teeth, another new side of her.

"As long, as he knows the line between work and privacy?" The question mark in Ethan's voice was almost none existing, Scully ignored it.

"Are you coming home today, Dana? I miss you terrible and have been thinking of ways to show you, honey."

The seductive tone in his voice irritated her beyond reason, Ethan was a caring and honest man, he deserved better. The waves of guilt angered her, calming down, she realised she had no one to blame but herself. "I'm coming home the day after tomorrow, Ethan. I'll arrive late in the afternoon."

"You sound tired, Dana."

Closing her eyes for a moment, she allowed self pity to indulge her for a few seconds, "Yeah, like I said it's a difficult case."

"Honey, don't worry, I'll meet you at your apartment. Love you."

Unable to answer she hooked the receiver. It was so difficult to remember Ethan's face when Mulder's face was all she saw, with her eyes open or closed. What a mess.

Scully's Apartment

Georgetown

Closing the door behind her she leaned against the door, finally able to breath freely, she allowed the pain to be a part of her. They hadn't dared to look at each other when parting in the airport, afraid of what she would find if looking into Mulder's soulful eyes, she had taken the coward's road. She couldn't bear it if she found nothing but indifference; that would break her beyond repair.

"Honey, is that you?" Ethan called from the bedroom, cursing her decision of giving him a key a few weeks ago, she exhaled sharply. "Yeah, it's me – were you expecting somebody else?"

Coming into the living room, he smiled broadly, "of course not honey, you're all I want. You look tired, honey."

She allowed him to hug her and run his hands up and down her spine but turned her head forcefully away, when his lips came close to her mouth. She couldn't kiss him, it would be too intimate and too big a betrayal to her heart. She had found her answer; she had cheated on her husband the last year. Damn him, damn Mulder!

Stepping back Ethan searched her face, "What's the matter honey?"

"Uh huh, I'm just tired, bone tired. I need some time to readjust and get my mind of this case. I won't be good company tonight, Ethan. I'm sorry."

He hugged her tightly again, "Don't be honey, I'll make you dinner and you just relax. Tomorrow we can say properly hallo." He smiled of his own attempt of a joke.

They spent an awkward evening together, Ethan did his best to cheer her up and reassure her of his love and good intentions, all he manage was to add salt to her already bleeding wound. She tried to find the courage to confront him, to be honest with him but failed terribly. Suddenly, afraid of loosing everything, afraid she would find herself heartbroken and all alone, once again. Ethan had been nothing but good to her, he loved her and didn't demand all of her, not like Mulder always had. In her blaze of fear and guilt, she allowed Ethan to hold her in his arms that night, no kisses or intimate caresses were shared. He accepted her need for privacy, hoping she would be better in the tomorrow.

Scully couldn't sleep, couldn't really relax in Ethan's arms, it felt wrong and lonely. Carefully, she rolled away from him and turning her back to him, she stared into the dark room. When she had meet Ethan, a year ago, she had stored her old bed away and replaced it with a new. The emotions and dreams shared in the old bed were too private to be ruined by replacements, and the dreams had dusted away and wouldn't be dreamed again, not unless…

She was startled by the ringing of the phone, lifting the receiver quickly she hoped Ethan wouldn't be disturbed, this way she could avoid his hands and lips for a little longer.

"Scully it's me. I've been unable to sleep. We need to talk"

Mulder! Of course it was Mulder, who else felt the right to call her in the middle of the night.

A silly rush of happiness and excitement ran through her body, he cared enough to call and enough to wanna talk. Or was it just based on guilt from his side, a mistake needing to be corrected. She couldn't handle it right now and not with Ethan in her bed.

"Tomorrow" She said.

When dawn broke, she gave up and made a cup tea. Sitting on the couch in the living room, she sipped her hot tea and admitted her true feelings; she loved Mulder, never had stopped. She had refused to acknowledge her heart. Lulled her into believing, she loved Ethan in the right way. She loved him but not with her whole heart, only with a small part, a severe damaged part. She only hoped she hadn't used him, but she had believed they stood a chance, had believed they shared something special. Ethan had healed her with his kind and warm heart; he was a simple man just what she needed after the intensity of Mulder. But Ethan had only seen a dull shadow of her, he had never meet the passionate Dana Scully. The love between them had been sweet and nice, but never passionate. Ethan was an old fashion man, and she hadn't missed the passion until that night in Oregon.

Her record with men wasn't real good she mused, Daniel and Mulder…Ethan was in his own league, sweet and plain. He deserved better. She could never offer him her whole heart, it was plain and clear, it belonged to another man. Their time together was over.

Refilling her cup, she retreated into the bathroom, sinking into the bath tub she relaxed and felt how the water rinsed her, confusion, denial and anger left her and was washed out with the water. She would be fine no matter what life had in store for her.

Getting dressed she wrote Ethan a note, explaining she had some work to finish and that they needed to talk later. No hugs or kisses ended the note; one lie was enough for one note.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: No, they don't belong to me…

Tears From The Moon

Chapter seven

Mulder's apartment

Arlington 7:02 P.M

Pausing outside his door, she took a few heavy breaths to steel herself for whatever Mulder would throw at her, a new beginning or a final ending.

Knocking softly, she prepared to wait for him to awake but within a second the door was thrown open.

"Come on in, Scully" He bid her, in his boxers, a tight t-shirt and his hair ruffled, he looked gorgeous. "You know the way."

Following him inside, she answered, "Yeah I do."

While Mulder jumped into a pair of jeans Scully looked around the apartment, he had changed little, her old couch still dominated one wall, the water tank another corner of the room, and he hadn't replaced the few things she had taken with her, including the bed. Her heart missed a beat when she realised he spent his nights on the couch, it would mean he was sleeping alone… or spent his nights in another apartment. The joyous feeling left her with the last thought.

"New fishes?" She asked

"Yeah, fishes only live for so long. Mollies don't need so much care, anyway."

"I see."

"Scully, sit down I'll make us some coffee, you should feel at home here."

"Once I did" She said under her breath, he pretended no to hear and went into the kitchen. Returning with two steaming hot mugs, he sat next to her on the couch and next to the water tank. The same positions they had occupied so many times in the past, their past together.

"Haven't slept much either?" He broke the ice, looking as troubled as her.

"No" Sipping the hot liquid, she avoided his eyes.

"I owe you an apology, Dana…"

She broke him of, hissing; "Mulder!"

Taking the clue, "sorry, Scully. Not an apology for our night in Oregon but for leaving you… It can't be apologised really, I was a bastard. But the ground had disappeared underneath me, I didn't know who I was anymore and… and I felt I would cover you in dirt, stop you from breathing, if I stayed. I sacrificed you for finding the X-Files, thinking I had to choose."

"Did you ever love me, Mulder?" Her voice cracked from insecurities.

Locking eyes with her, he gave her a half smile; "Never stopped, not for one second."

Scully recognised the glint of regret in his eyes. "That's why you never applied for divorce?"

"Yeah. I wonder when you would; hoping against hope you wouldn't. Not fair was it, Scully?"

"Oh, Mulder. I couldn't!" Her stubborn clinging to the denial she had been in for the past year was slipping away, and it made her stomach act like she had just been thrown out from a chopper, without a parachute, and no hope of landing on her feet. How had her life become this mess?

Taking her hand in his, he studied her fingers instinctively her fingers began playing with the finger that once wore his wedding band.

"Are you involved with someone, Scully? I heard you phone ring at odd hours in Oregon"

Licking her lips, she looked into his sad eyes. "Yes I am, have been for the last year."

"Has he proposed marriage?" His face was blank only the darkness of his eyes belied his composed.

"Yeah Mulder, he has." Ethan had been down on his knees twice the past three months, each time scaring the hell out of her.

"Which answer did you give him?"

Agitated, she stared into his eyes. "Mulder, you know perfectly well I can't marry Ethan, I'm not a bigamist!"

"But do you want to marry him?" He wouldn't let go.

Exhaling sharply her, answer came as sharply, "No!"

"Do you love him?"

Sighing in discomfort she replied, "I thought I did, thought a part of me had healed and forgot. What about you, Mulder?"

Playing with her fingers, he took a moment to answer. "No. I got involved soon after you." Scully closed her eyes in pain. "I'm not proud of myself Scully, I used her, used Diana's body in a attempt to forget you. I never loved her, didn't really like her but she offered her body to me. She never made me forget, on the contrary, she made me remember. It was your body I saw, your lips I sought, and your name I cried out in the night. It can't have been easy for her, it wasn't for me. Before long we drifted apart. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness but was too ashamed, knowing there was no forgiveness for my actions. I devoted my life to the

X-Files and occasionally a one night stand when the pain became too unbearable. I've been a lone wolf since our short time together."

Not knowing what to say, she rested her head against his shoulder, pained and relieved at the same time.

"Do you ever use my name, Scully?"

Lifting her head, she smiled faintly, "No, not once. To the world I'm Dana Scully."

"Well, Dana Scully Mulder is a long name, anyway" He frowned.

"Once it wasn't, Mulder." She frowned back. "Was our lovemaking a mistake to you, Mulder?" She couldn't hold back the question any longer.

"No! Not in a million years. It was the most right thing I've done since marrying you. You never were a mistake, Scully." Pausing, he fidgeted with her hand, "was it a mistake to you?"

"God no! It just made me wonder who I was cheating on, you or Ethan."

"And which conclusion have you come to?" Holding his breath, he awaited her answer.

"You."

Exhaling, he relaxed.

Taking a mug in each hand Scully got up and shuffled into the kitchen to refill them, the air between them had become too intense and too close to a point, where there would be no turning back, was she ready? And which final did she really want or dared?

Shuffling back to the couch, she handed him the mug with the black coffee, hoping she had remembered correctly when she refilled the mugs. Anyway, they wouldn't share anything they hadn't shared before, if he had gotten the wrong mug. Her body heated up by the mere though of their last night together.

"Something's wrong, Scully?"

"No, just a little chill." She was becoming good at lying.

"Mulder, what should we do, what do you want to do?" The moment to ask the question was long overdue; she needed to face the consequences.

"I can't bear to loose you again, Scully. I want you. I love you." His deceitful days were over.

"Please, don't lie Mulder, I can't take that." Softly, she began to cry, the stakes suddenly too high to be overlooked or denied any longer.

Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered into her ear, "I'm not lying. I love you Scully, never stopped. I want us to be together."

Still crying, she hang on to him for dear life, "I love you Mulder, don't ever leave me again."

"I won't, not if I can choose. You want me?"

"Yeah I do, Mulder. But I need time, time to end it with Ethan in a dignified way and time to adjust to us again. I won't make the same mistake rushing into things this time. We'll have to take it nice and slow. Ok?"

"Ok, Scully" He would've agreed to anything as long as she stayed with him.

Pulling her down with him on the couch, he spread small kisses all over her face, soothing her sobbing body. "It'll be ok, Scully, relax for awhile with me."

Kissing her on her hair and stoking her back he soothed her into sleep, exhausted, she felt like she had just run a marathon to find her way back home, home to where she belonged. She belonged here in Mulder's arm, on their old couch.

Later Scully slowly came to herself; the sweet scent she breathed in cracked a smile on her face, Mulder scent! What a treat. Lifting her head, she saw that he was still sleeping. Still, smiling she sneaked her hand in under his t-shirt, stroking his chest and abdomen softly. He moaned in his sleep and his body became alive under her.

Pleased that she still had this power over him, she changed her focus to his lips and gently bit his lower lip, too focused on her task and too resolute not to wake him, Scully was aware that Mulder had awaken and watched her intently.

Suddenly, noticing the faster pace of his heartbeat she looked up and met a pair of eyes sparkling with love and awe.

"Scully, for a moment I thought this was another of my dreams but you're far better than any dream I had."

"Thanks Mulder, what an honour to be better than your usually brand of ladies of the night." Rolling her eyes she lifted her face away from his.

"That was not what I meant; I was talking about my fantasies of you"

Holding her face inches from his, she searched his eyes intently, "you dream about me"

"Uh huh." He nodded. "Dreaming that you're here with me."

The ringing of her cell phone startled them both, "Yeah well, guess I've somewhere to be before I can be all yours. " Her words were kept in a light tone. She lowered her face for a last kiss. "Um, I need a shower."

"Feel at home. I'll even give you a key!" He too tried hard to keep a light tone.

Blushing, she giggled, "No need, I already have one."

"Then it's a good thing I never changed the lock, isn't it Mrs. Mulder?"

"Mulder, don't call me that, I'll like to keep it our secret – I enjoy working with you."

"Done deal, agent Scully – I would hate to loose a good partner."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Not mine just loaning them, they will be returned in perfect shape.

Thanks for reviewing, you make my day.

I finally found the right mood to update another of my stories yesterday and it felt good, and overwhelming that people still remembered the 'long lost story.' It gave me a new boost of wanting to write fanfics, I often doubt my abilities but I've overcome that for a few seconds, hopefully.

Don't worry Mulder will be in this chapter as well…

Tears From The Moon

Chapter eight

Scully's apartment

Georgetown 16:26 A.M

"Dana, where have you been? I was worried sick when you didn't answer your cell. I've been calling you since nine o'clock this morning. Your note scared me. I called your office, you wasn't there."

Guilt had an ugly taste, sour and bitter it invaded her mouth. Her content body suddenly felt like a shameful sin. "Uh huh, Ethan I was working in the lab, sorry I missed your calls." There was no need to hurt him with honesty; her breaking up would be enough pain for him to take. He needn't know she had been cheating on him and replaced him without a second thought. The burden of knowing the truth would be hers, and confining in him would be a misplaced attempt of seeking forgiveness and reducing her weight of guilt.

She had never wanted to hurt him, all she had wanted was to care and maybe one day love this good man. He had been nothing but good to her. Someday, he would make some lucky lady happy. His love may not be as intense as Mulder's but it was honest and didn't burn, but the truth was, that she already had Mulder's burn marks on her. Ethan had never stood a real chance, she was sorry for that and hoped he had been happy with her for the past year. Then maybe she would be able to forgive herself.

"Dana, please tell me what's wrong, you've been acting strange since going to Oregon."

"Oh Ethan, I'm so very sorry but…" Tears blinded her eyes.

"But what Dana, it can't be that bad, can it?"

"Yes, it can, Ethan. There is no easy way to say this so I'll just say it. It's over. I'm, breaking up with you." Oh, it was harder than expected, he stared at her in disbelieve and with tears in his eyes.

"Please, don't cry Ethan, I'm not worth it." She stepped back when he reached for her, it was not in her power to comfort him and physic contact was out of the question. Her touches belonged to another man they were a part of her she couldn't share with Ethan anymore. She understood that her coldness would hurt him but she couldn't cross that line anymore.

"Dana, I love you. Why? Why are you doing this?" Again he reached for her and again she avoided his arms, this time she could see he noticed and saw the hurt in his face when she rejected him.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she met his hurt eyes, "I've run out of love for you, Ethan. I won't hurt you by pretending for a time, that I'm still in love with you."

"How? When? We were ok before you were assigned to this case." His brain needed to find an explanation, something he could connect the pain to.

Shaking her head and drying her eyes, she spoke the truth, she had only come to realise a few days ago. "No we weren't. If we had been fine, I would've accepted your proposal three months ago, I would never have doubted our love as I did. I can't marry you Ethan. I don't want to marry you. There is no reason to stay together."

"What if I think there is a reason to stay together? I love you, Dana!"

"Would you be happy knowing I don't love you?"

Ethan stepped back from her; her words had finally hit a nerve in him and for a time, he just stared at her. Saw the pain mixed with finality in her eyes, saw she felt compassion and friendship for him but any deeper feelings were gone from her eyes. "No I wouldn't. But if you change your mind don't hesitate to call me, our time together have been the happiest year in my life."

Scully lacked the energy to watch him pack the few belongings he had in her home and instead she paddled into her bathroom and rinsed her tear stuck face with cold water. Once again her life had been turned upside down and she was grateful. This time it had given her Mulder back.

It was hard saying goodbye to Ethan, he wanted desperately to hug her and have a final kiss and she just couldn't give it to him. Her hugs and kisses weren't for him to take. But she did remember, how badly she had wanted these same things from Mulder when he left her, hoping it would make him remember how much he loved her and how good her lips felt. She wouldn't take the bait, knowing Ethan's lips had never touched her heart but barely brushed it. There was no untamed love to remember but a friend's healing love. For that she was grateful.

Drained, she found her way to her bedroom, curling up on her side of the bed she stared into the wall. Her hand reached out and opened the bedside table, her fingers travelled to the far corner and made contact with the desired object. Closing her hand around it, she withdrew her hand, when her hand was at level with her eyes she opened her hand and placed the object between two fingers. Twisting it gently between her fingers, she watched it closely; it was her wedding band. A beautiful mixture of red and white gold. How she had loved that ring.

Lost in her own world, she just stared at the ring.

"Having second thoughts, Mrs. Mulder?" His voice interrupted her.

Bolting up she looked for her weapon, but recognizing the voice she relaxed. "How did you get in, Mulder"

He waved a key in his hand, "you gave me a key, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah I do. What are you doing here?"

He sat next to her on the bed, easily his hand found his wallet in a pocket. "Came to see if you were ok, you didn't answer your cell."

"Oh, it must be in the bathroom." Her eyes followed his fingers unzipping the wallet and withdrawing a shinny object, "Uh, see I got a matching one. Very exciting."

"You know, I only stopped wearing mine around my neck, next to my cross, a year ago when I met Ethan." She took his ring and read the inscription "Always, Dana."

"Mine have been in my wallet since you moved out of the apartment. Read the inscription in your ring, Scully"

"Always, Mulder."

Kissing her temple, he whispered, "I think, I will add Scully into my ring, Dana Scully, past and present in one."

"Good thinking, Mulder," she was pleased, "but we can't wear them."

"New bed, Scully?"

Leaning into him, she softly said, "Yeah, new bed. Would you like to help me replace it with our old one?"

"Sure, it'll be my pleasure."

_This is just some trip that we are on  
When the trip is over we will think of this  
As someplace that we once beloved  
When I find no comfort here  
I'll look again to find it in your arms  
That is where I'll dream a dream  
Where I am you and you are me  
And that's where I know love_

_Conjure One: Endless Dream_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Not mine. Thanks for letting me use your agents Chris Carter

Thanks for reading and reviewing. The title is taken from Conjure One's song 'Tears From The Moon'

Tears From The Moon

Chapter nine

They kept to their words, taking it nice and slow. Mulder didn't come over every night but they did spend a few nights together during the week. Foremost they worked together and readjusted to each other, much had changed over the last years and much hadn't. Their connection was as strong as ever and still they communicated without words.

It would've been easy to just resume their old lives, spending every moment together but Scully wouldn't jeopardize her marriage again, so she held back. Mulder accepted that until Ethan started to call her and asking her out. He wouldn't take no for an answer and called her both at home and at the office. Irrationally, Mulder started to call her repeatedly, checking her every move. Dealing with both men exhausted her.

It was into this field of mines Phoebe Green made her grand entrance and what an entrance, Mulder was an easy target in his self installed self pity. Scully could only watch him fading away from her and stopping to calling several times during the night. Knowing Mulder's taste for drama, she wasn't seriously worried, until she witnessed his tender dancing and kissing with Phoebe outside the ballroom at the hotel.

It wasn't fair, she hadn't kissed or touched Ethan once since Oregon and there Mulder was; making out with a woman who didn't care for him. What a jerk!

Unable to ignite her anger, she came to Mulder's rescue and nursed him. He reacted with childish logic asking her where Ethan was, and she didn't dignify it with an answer. Instead she kept her distance and watched. Mulder never touched Phoebe Green again. In the darkness, Scully wondered if there was a curse on them, everything had been fine for four months, the same period of time before hell broke loose in their first attempt of a relationship. Maybe Mulder would never last for more than four to five months with her?

Back in Washington, she used her key to lock herself into Mulder's apartment, they needed to talk but Mulder was avoiding her. She had grown to hate his apologising puppet eyes, if just the man would open his mouth; it was so unlike him to be a loss for words, when normally he never shut his mouth but to breath.

"Um. Scully is that you?"

"Yeah, have you given a copy of your key to others, Mulder?"

He came into view; "Of course not."

"Then why did you ask if it was me, the answer must have been clear." Scully was already irritated.

"Uh huh, you could be a vision, in some cultures the soul can travel and materialize in other places. Not uncommon at all, Scully"

Lifting her eye brow, she hissed. "Cut the crab, Mulder. My soul is grounded to my body. I've no difficulties in knowing where I want to be, not like certain others."

Trying to buy time he offered: "Coffee?"

"No!"

Scully walked to the couch and placed her legs on the small table in front of her. "Start talking, Mulder. I don't have all day."

"Oh, and where is…"

Staring coldly at him, she interrupted. "Don't. This has nothing to do with Ethan, you overheard me repeatedly telling him no, explaining my feelings hadn't changed. And you were here when I directly asked him not to call me again. This is all about you, Fox Mulder."

Sitting next to her, he began. "I know I kissed her, Scully. But I don't know why. I was and am perfectly content with you and me. I admit, I was scared of loosing you to Ethan he seemed so determinate, but that's not an excuse for my behaviour. I won't insult you by saying Phoebe kissed me."

Sighing, she looked at him. "Is this how it's gonna be each time you feel insecure or I don't give you every minute of my day?"

His lower lip perked out, "Of course not. I promise."

"Good, you know if we don't have trust we have nothing."

With that she walked out of the door, the road to making amends was covered with thorns and tears, it would seem. Taking the road less travelled wasn't always easy and their history was a wound easily reopened, perhaps an easy and quick recovery had been too much asking for. Sensing nothing would come easy or straightforward to them, she asked for patience and hope. Looking up at the moon, she wondered how many tears she would cry over her husband in the future.

Epilogue

In the years to come, she was grateful that her question wasn't answered that night, unsure of how she would've found the strength or courage to continue her life with Mulder and the X-Files, had she known. Their life together, had started perfectly but from the day the X-Files came into their lives, they started living on the edge, always only a step away from disaster and the consuming darkness. The darkness that followed the X-Files demanded everything she had to give but Mulder.

Mulder became the touchstone in her life – again - in 1993, like she became his. Their love for each other kept them sane and alive, but so many tears were cried in the years after their encounter with Phoebe Green in 1993. It became impossible for her to count the tears cried for Mulder; impossible to keep record of them. So many reasons would appear for crying: jealousy, fear, loss, love, joy and rarely happiness.

Mulder would drift momentarily, when they were on questionable terms, only once would he cheat. If it could really fall into the category of cheating, her family considered her death and her gravestone was bought. She had been abducted, vanished. Mulder never let go of his guilt of finding a brief moment of comfort in another woman's arms. He wasn't unsure of what to name his adventure; infidelity. Scully was indecisive, honestly indifferent; it was a drop in the ocean compared to what her abduction cost her, in the longer run.

Scully drifted momentarily, Ed, her nameless date and Daniel, yes Daniel returned and so did Diana. She never was physically unfaithful but she drifted emotionally, when the pressure of dealing with Mulder, his quest for finding the truth, and the X-Files became too heavy. With his intensity Mulder demanded every part of her, down to her last cell.

When they finally made peace with their destinies, stopped fighting it and accepted their part in fighting the darkness, and admitted they belonged together, their drifting became unnecessary.

But the river of tears didn't stop. There were other reasons for crying: cancer, brain wave's disorder, abduction, loss of dear ones, searching for a lost sister and the closings of the

X-Files…. Their son… William! So many reasons: all oddly countable and measurable.

The darkness kept coming at them trying to part them, the only light in it all was their love for each other, and bright as the morning star it always guided them home. They sacrificed everything but each other.

But the tears kept falling.

But she would do it all over again; their bond was what had kept her alive all these years, her only regret was William, she cursed the darkness for the cruel loss of her baby boy, the son she never expected to have. Her son, a precious gift from god. If only she could've protected him a little longer then maybe he would've been with them today, instead of living with strangers. But she had never stood a real chance from the day William was conceived her child had been a threat to powerful forces and men. She had given him up to keep him alive.

The greatest sacrifice a mother could make.

She hated how the darkness kept coming at them, wishing somebody else could take their places in fighting for light and a future for mankind. But - she would do it all over again, just to be with Mulder.

And the tears kept falling.

Tears from the moon…

The end


End file.
